The Inaugural Fresno Idiot Festival kicked-off with a bang in front of Fresno City Hall this morning! The event featured keynote speeches by local, high-profile idiots, a cute sign painting contest for artistically inclined idiots, a fun parade, as well as an apparel booth featuring “MAGA” and “Trump 2020” apparel.
Many of the idiot’s signs featured the popular slogan, “Open Fresno Up,” which references their main objective in holding the festival. “We just want all of Fresno to open their hearts to us and love us, despite the fact that we are insufferable idiots,” stated lead organizer and Fresno City Councilmember Dipshit McButt. “I am really proud of what we have accomplished here today. Idiot pride!” McButt added.
Despite the dangerously contagious virus that is currently ravaging the United States, the Idiots decided to continue on with their scheduled event. In fact, many Idiots seemed completely unphased by the global pandemic.
When asked about the threat of coronavirus, festival attendee and resident idiot Karyn Smyth said, “If I get coronavirus, that’s just God’s plan.” Repositioning her “W.H.O. = Poo” sign-contest submission, she added, “God made me an idiot, and gosh golly gee, I intend to die an idiot.”
No one with an I.Q. above 85 was permitted to attend the event.